Friday, June 6, 2008

I got stuck in a belt yesterday


I got stuck in a belt yesterday. I was in a trendy store that I felt out of place in and... are you supposed to try the belt on before you buy it? I never see people trying them on and they don't let you take them into the dressing room. I always say the same thing when they tell me that, "Then how am I supposed to steal it?" And it NEVER gets a laugh. But it's one of those jokes I like to tell to amuse myself. Another one-- I tell woman I have the same purse-- never gets a laugh either-- but it's for me. This belt was some sort of cloth belt with a toothy clasp that in an odd way secured the cloth. Or rather, locked it down and I couldn't find the releasing mechanism. I have the old version of a clothy belt with a toothy clasp as pictured above.

Well, I just wanted a general idea of how big the belt was so I tried it on over my shirt like a girl in a Cyndee Lauper video. (Ignoring the ONE SIZE FITS ALL tag-- not buying into that! There is NO way one belt can fit every sized person!) Then the clothy thing wouln't unclasp. I was stuck. I panicked. My hands scrambling to find a release button or something. I felt claustrophobic. I was in the middle of the store-- the trendy store-- and I was pretty sure I didn't have the right sneakers on (I bought them 6 months ago). I imagined people looking at me thinking, "This uncool guy can't figure out how to get the new hip belt off." It felt like forever before I just yanked as hard as I could and broke the stupid trendy belt. And put it right back on the rack. I left humiliated. Deflated. And feeling uncooler than usual. But WHY ARE WE TRYING TO REINVENT THE BELT?

I got stuck in a bra once too...

9 comments:

Cam said...

"Like a girl in a Cyndi Lauper video" I like it!

Just call me Katie! said...

You didn't go political with the story. I am disappointed. So I will but you have to imagine the drum and symbol stomp at the end....Here it is..The belt held on like Hillary to the democratic nomination.

There is the visual.
Peace
Katie

Coleman said...

For some reason I just seem to brake belts too. Hell I had to put notches into a belt because it didn't have enough.

carl2000 said...

Here's what kills me about buying a belt. The store clerks place them on those tiny hangers that have the waist size clearly marked on top, right? The only trouble is, they don't give a rat's ass if the hanger doesn't match the actual size of the belt. They'll put a size 28 on a 34 hanger, simply because they hate their job and have grown weary of this mortal coil. So then I come along, grab that mis-marked 28 belt, and totally flip out because it doesn't fit when I try it on. Then I start running around the store, screaming, "OH MY GOD! HOW FAT AM I?!?"

Anonymous said...

That belt buckle looks like a death trap to me. I think you were clearly heroic to even try that thing on! I don't blame you for leaving it. Those money hording fashion designers need to leave well enough alone.I rember those big over the shirt belts like in the Cindy Lauper video.
Love,
Michelle

Just call me Katie! said...

Bra, eh? Is there a story there? I can only imagine...

mALX said...

I have sprayed my drink at a table for less than your "to myself" humor, lucky thing I didn't hear it, your day would have been even more embarassing!

The Actress said...

Oa, you NEVER listen to me! I told you to buy the Playtex Cross-Your-Heart with the FRONT closure!!!

katy klee klai said...

~obviously you didn't have the Mork from Ork Rainbow Suspenders
as a wee lad.
You would have mastered that belt
in mere seconds if only...