Monday, March 10, 2008

Tips for going missing and avoiding getting killed

As sometimes happens in my comedy, the funny is lost in a serious message I am compelled to get out. I believe wholeheartedly every word and premise I postulate in this piece... but topics of death and missing children are inflammatory to say the least. I am just the messenger. This has long frustrated me and I have never been able to make my thoughts work on stage... as is evident from the few clips including in this piece. You can hear the uneasy laughter. I dedicate this blog to all the missing or murdered people that do not get the proper media coverage they deserve.

Here is a link to Elizabeth Shoaf's story that aired on Dateline. (I still think she looks like a Nicole.)

Here is a link to the story about Mechele the stripper who got convicted of killing Kent the fisherman... perhaps for money. NO WAY! Really. Can't be true!

Wikipedia: Missing White Woman Syndrom


Anonymous said...

Orny, people who can't separate the way the world should be from the way it is, and those who don't take the jokes that you presented AS jokes, might be upset about this piece... but it's TRUE. This is a TRUE phenomenon. Attractive and rich (and more often than not, white) people get the lion's share of news coverage when they go missing. Wikipedia even has a page on it, "Missing white woman syndrome"; check out the fourth section down on the bias involved. Are you average-to-homely? Poor? Ethnic? Got a criminal record? Bad reputation? Good luck on having millions of people give a damn about you. The news media really won't care too much about your story on a national or global level. CNN likes the spotlight to be cast on the pretty people.

Orny Adams said...

It would be TOO bad if this piece did get misinterpreted. But I am prepared. I felt oddly obligated to say these things anyway. And when I watch the clips of me on stage, I understand the rigidity of the crowd. I added the Wiki link you mentioned-- great heads up on that.

Anonymous said...

What you say is very true, and it's a hard truth to hear. Hopefully by broaching a very serious subject in a humorous manner, you'll get more people to stop and think and say, "Orny is exactly right." No one should misinterpret your use of jokes - to get the point across - as equal to taking the subject lightly, because that is not the case at all.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and check out The Onion's parody articles, "Ugly Girl Killed: Nation Unshaken By Not-So-Tragic Death" and "Missing White Girl Drives Missing Black Girl From Headlines."

Orny Adams said...

Hey richjenifan-- please post ALL those links in this discussion area.

And thanks BARB for getting it.

Just call me Katie! said...

It is true, Orny! You shouldn't have to apologize for your humor. It provocates thought and discussion. That isn't a bad thing. Plus this piece is so true. It made me think about those miners in Virginia (I think) who lost their lives and the rescue crew stopped digging for them. The coverage there didn't last long either. They didn't build any monument or 20/20 special on their lives.

It is only shocking when it happens to the rich people. So sad. It doesn't pay to be fugly.
But I always thought I wouldn't mind getting mugged. It would be just desserts. They would think they just scored and I would be laughing because if I couldn't get out anything from the bank surely they couldn't either. Hehe!

Anonymous said...

Even though there's truth in the humor, and I agree with what you say, be careful not to seem too lighthearted. I can watch and agree (it's certainly topical!), but as a parent, it's hard for me to laugh.

Develop it, definitely. You're going to offend some; that's comedy. Just please don't lose sight of its gravity.


Anonymous said...

First of all, there is nothing average about you, darlin. You look handsome with stubble and windblown hair. There does seem to be a disproportionate number of goodlooking people who make the news compared to the actual number of kidnapping-murder victims. I'm not talking about a little mention on the news but they spend way more time on the beautiful people. I love the way your brain works and I know you would never disrespect or disreguard anyone's plight of victimization. So anyone who doesn't see your point and doesn't understand using humor to make that point might need to sit on a tack in order to get the point!

Tricia Ebel said...

Orny - you are amazing... thank you so much for doing what you do!

Just call me Katie! said...

I love the t-shirt. Apparently you do too. Shows off the biceps nicely...wink wink

Steph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Per the man's requests... "Missing White Girl Drives Missing Black Girl from Headlines" is at and "Ugly Girl Killed" is at

Lois Lane said...

All kidding aside, so fucking true! I reported on 50 missing kids who never got coverage elsewhere. The premise, based on looks and funds = no one cares.

I got out of reporting soon after because let's face it, the job blows. I'm writing a book now, and you are going to buy it, right?!

Seriously, you are going to buy it! Don't make me unleash a polar bear video to smoke your ass again!

If I were less mediocre, I'd hold a sign with your name on it. But face it, I'm not blond or blue eyed and no one is going to care what my sign says.

I'm going to blogroll you and pimp you out a little next week on my blog. Do you have a site tracker? If not get one so you can see if it was all in vain.

Love ya bunches, signed, Lois Lane AKA: Has bear and knows how to use it. :D

HitMan said...

Excellent Reporting, Oa! Your BEST to date! Don't worry about this being misinterpreted...I say (type) Screw 'em if they can't take it. I believe everything in this piece. Its sad, yes, but true! If I ever have a kid I will take it to glamor shots! Thanks for the advice, Oa! I LOVE the dedication at the end! CLASSIC!



Anonymous said...


Great stuff but now I have to stop doing a couple things I've been doing. I was saying that being a white woman was the key. I even encouraged white women at shows to NOT turn off their cell phones during my shows just in case someone was trying to get in touch with them. Even a two hour window of "missing" might prompt a one hour special from Nancy Grace.

And I don't tell my daughter anything even though she's only eight. I tell her the car is a lease and I buy everything on Ebay. I'm more afraid of teenage boys in few years. Did you hear the story about the parents beaten to death with bats by a group of teenage boys after they told their daughter not to date one of them? Ugh.

Here in AZ, a fifteen year old killed his dad a couple weeks ago. At first, they said it was because the dad beat the kid. It turns out the dad was trying to stop him from using Myspace. That seems pretty reasonable.

Tony Vinh | Comedian said...

Wow. I've always thought the same thing. This may be one of the best BrainNoises you've posted. And I'd love to see the whole bit on stage. Can you post that as an addition to this?

And don't forget that every day, Asian kids get abducted, too, by people who love my people as novelties. I guess having grandma's fine China in the pantry isn't enough, but people now need Asian babies in the spare bedroom. The most notorious of all, Brangelina.

Credible news sources such as US Weekly, Access Hollywood, and, I'm sorry, your employer, ET, only talk about how great their lives are gonna be now. However, what if Maddox had only ambitions to be the best Nike sweatshop worker ever? But couldn't communicate that in his Ching-Chong-Chang language, and Laura Croft Tomb Raided his hopes and dreams away?

I have no idea where I'm going with this.