Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Real Superbowl Losers...

The biggest losers had to be the AD AGENCIES. Some of the worst ads I have ever seen. I was going to review the best ads, but I can not even think of one! I’m really sorry that this technology that can make babies look like they’re talking came along. Now it’s in all these commercials. Talking babies are stupid. Babies can’t talk, and if they could they wouldn’t be talking about E Trades. They have more pressing issues like why is there a scary clown at my party?

Because of such a disgusting show of lack of creativity and outrageous hackneyed humdrum (I think everything was either bodily secretions-- the baby puked in the E Trade ad-- or contrived, seen before sexual overtness), I am asking you to boycott the following products:

1. E Trade
2. Planters Nuts-- wow was that a horrible and unrealistic payoff
3. for the shrinking head thing.
4. Wall E (some stupid movie that made me realize if massive amounts of people go see this-- I do not belong in this world.)
5. G2 (Gatorade) Gatorade is dog's best friend. It is probably harmful to a dog.
6. Taco Bell for using cliche sexual gestures that we have seen a million times before.
7. Bridgestone because they did not hit Richard Simmons.
8. Tide To Go... the talking stain looked like a penis. I would prefer a more female looking stain.

And then there was one for Amp Energy-- in this ad a goofy, overweight, white guy dancing (have we seen this before???) puts jumper cables to his nipples and jump starts a girls car... while chugging Amp Energy for power. I CAN NOT WAIT to hear about some buffoontard actually trying to do this. It will happen. And I hope they tape it for Youtube. Get ready for the lawsuit Amp.

So many Budweiser ads that my Corona started to taste like a Budweiser. I want a horse now.

The closest thing to funny was the ad where a womans heart jumped out of her chest and went into the bosses office and quit. And even that didn't do much for me. But the initial action of the heart jumping out of her blouse and onto her keyboard was funny. (Although I would've rather seen her vagina jump out and quit. We've never seen that in an ad before. And I would suspend my protest of overt use of sex in ads to see that.)

Absent were all political ads. It would have been nice to tie in Superbowl Sunday with Super Tuesday. WHAT A SUPER WEEK!

If you want to pain yourself and see any of these ads as a point of reference to my above commentary, they are all on

(And as I take a deep breath, I disappear back into my brain.)


Anonymous said...

I'm very suprised how depressingly lackluster the ads were this year. And to think that ad agencies spend millions, christ, hire new people. Yeah the E-Trade ones were definitely dumb. And I'm not sure how many other people are annoyed by a dog slurping out of a bowl but that shit drives me nuts, thus making me pissed off at the damn ad.

Anonymous said...

I think the real Super Bowl losers are the ones that found the ads funny and entertaining... sitting there on the couch, choking with laughter and spewing nacho chip pieces over their distended, beer-dampened stomachs. And you know they're out there.

Just call me Katie! said...

Corona isn't a very manly drink. Did you have a lime in it?

Anonymous said...

OK, I agree with you on the lack of creativity, but personally, I did enjoy a couple of them.
1) Bridgestone #1 with the animals. Brought back memories of that most awesome of commercials, "The Wassup Boys" (as I call it)
(Can't seem to find the "retard" one which is animated)

2)Doritos with Kina Grannis. She was awesome!! I know you're jaded, Orny, but I hope someone signs her on.
But really, that was Doritos being lazy and having the masses do it for them.

The one that really hurt was the one with Carlos Mencia (Bud Light? maybe?)!!
Omgs, another of my favorite comics and his ad disappoints. Like if he was trolling for he needs to(*smirk*), I don't think he would use such a lame pick-up line.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Orny, as always. I laughed more at this video than at all the Super Bowl commercials combined.