What a Wonderful World remix

I am really hoping this is my last singing video. I hope I have gotten it all out of my system. (As do I suspect many of you.) This is basically an extension of a “Grand Old F**k”-- I recycled many of the same themes. What can I say, little has changed in the past few weeks—and I felt like singing again. Lately I’ve been working on my next Tonight Show and this mirrors many of the themes. Hopefully once I make that appearance, it will represent the final purge. I’m not a big fan of the F word—but in “Grand Old F**K” I was using it as a mechanism to grab people’s attention and then hit them with something perspicacious.

I took the two verse “What a Wonderful World” and made it six verses. It would’ve taken my fifteen more verses to say everything I wanted to say. As is, it already seems a few verses too long. The world is really NOT that bad, but it does seem a bit dismal these days. And I certainly feel when I was younger life was more innocent. We were naïve and ignorant—as youth should be. We discovered through experiences, many failed experiences, and not by googling.

We did not have this sense of entitlement. In “What a Wonderful World remix” I briefly comment on an aspect of contemporary life that boils me—the hurtful comments people make on message boards, blogs, and under my videos; I have fifteen year old kids criticizing my work—like they’re some sort of expert. A fifteen year old who’s greatest accomplishment is probably emptying the dishwasher telling me what I’m doing wrong? When I was a kid we had to take responsibility for our words. We didn’t have the internet— the space-- we had to say it face to face. And get punched. But zero accountability seems to be the trend. Not that fifteen year olds don’t deserve an opinion, but maybe they should accomplish something or put themselves out there in such a capacity and then express it. In other words, it’s OK to NOT say something too. What I am trying to say is, at least have a prom rejection under your belt before you write BLEH under my videos. The anonymous, drive by, hurling of insults has become a revered form of expression that I think will have later consequences for them in life… or at least I can hope so. I like justice. Careless opinions will get you no place fast—and the internet is habit forming. You can’t go through life just expecting to say whatever you want. The bigger problem created by the internet, kids start to think that their opinion even matters. Most of the time—OUR opinions DO not matter. WE are NOT supposed to know what everybody thinks about us!

Plenty of adults write hurtful things too—and often it seems to come from a sad place. I see plenty of individuals doing things I am not fond of, but I don’t feel the need to express it to them. Why are we trying to be so hurtful everybody?

I have been VERY fortunate lately—most of the time, people leave my stuff alone. That is the way I like it! If you don’t care for what I do—I don’t really care. So keep that in mind when you seek revenge for your own emptiness with the taps of a keyboard. I can also handle criticism, I have been a victim of plenty of it in the past. Through the years I have developed the temperament to cope with it. But in high school, I would’ve been a wreck if the internet was around and ADULTS were designing sites for kids to go on and defame each other. Honestly, I am more worried about this dark side of humanity than the high gas prices.

I create these videos for my friends and those that have continued to support me—the many that have reached out to me and encouraged. Enjoy them. These are not intended for the masses. So please share them quietly with those of like values and sensibilities. How the hell did I get off on this tangent… I sat down to write that I hope this is my last singing video and I started typing typing typing…??? COME ON O!

Want to lift your spirits? Watch the original Louis Armstrong version—I watched it about ten times to tried and mimic his non stop ear to ear smile. In two minutes, he smiles more than I have in all of 08. That is a gross exaggeration. But certainly more than January and February. I wanted to get a trumpet, hold it, and NOT play it like Louis did—but it seemed like too much work and then some fifteen year old buffoontard would slam me for it anyway… “bleh the trumpet… I want my four minutes back.” (Oh how original.)

Watch this guy and smile-- the world should be this way!

I got stuck in a belt yesterday

I got stuck in a belt yesterday. I was in a trendy store that I felt out of place in and... are you supposed to try the belt on before you buy it? I never see people trying them on and they don't let you take them into the dressing room. I always say the same thing when they tell me that, "Then how am I supposed to steal it?" And it NEVER gets a laugh. But it's one of those jokes I like to tell to amuse myself. Another one-- I tell woman I have the same purse-- never gets a laugh either-- but it's for me. This belt was some sort of cloth belt with a toothy clasp that in an odd way secured the cloth. Or rather, locked it down and I couldn't find the releasing mechanism. I have the old version of a clothy belt with a toothy clasp as pictured above.

Well, I just wanted a general idea of how big the belt was so I tried it on over my shirt like a girl in a Cyndee Lauper video. (Ignoring the ONE SIZE FITS ALL tag-- not buying into that! There is NO way one belt can fit every sized person!) Then the clothy thing wouln't unclasp. I was stuck. I panicked. My hands scrambling to find a release button or something. I felt claustrophobic. I was in the middle of the store-- the trendy store-- and I was pretty sure I didn't have the right sneakers on (I bought them 6 months ago). I imagined people looking at me thinking, "This uncool guy can't figure out how to get the new hip belt off." It felt like forever before I just yanked as hard as I could and broke the stupid trendy belt. And put it right back on the rack. I left humiliated. Deflated. And feeling uncooler than usual. But WHY ARE WE TRYING TO REINVENT THE BELT?

I got stuck in a bra once too...

Republican seen driving Prius

I'm reminiscing... watching old clips of John McEnroe yelling at judges-- here is a good one to watch.

Is there a single republican that owns a Prius? You have never seen a Prius with a McCain bumper sticker. That is a democrat car. You can even tell by the models. I have a friend that just bought a "Hillary 08" instead of the "Obama Hope" one… she thinks the Hillary Prius will never quit. They made a republican Prius but there was no way to exit the thing. And the gun rack was covering the moon roof.

What's it gonna take--- a $7 gallon? It's official... President Bush is the most unpopular president in modern American history, according to a new poll-- he's at a 28% approval rate. What does Bush have to do to lose the last 28%. What does he have to bomb Switzerland? Club baby seals on the White House lawn? That 28% are just hanging in there... I want to live in a world where the gas prices go down and the president's approval goes up.

Meanwhile, Exxon Mobile posted an $11 billion first quarter profit. Guess the high price of gas is affecting them-- in a good way. Boy, I hope they can afford to fill up their tanks.

And finally, I wish I was creative enough to make this up... Yesterday I got recognized by a mime. Fresh off an audition, he came up to me in the white face makeup and all and said, "Hey you're Orny Adams." And I said, "Are you supposed to be speaking?" But how odd-- to be at a coffee shop and have that freak of performing art approach you. I was kind of startled... wish he had mimed out my name. I realized I could never be a mime-- because I can't NOT talk. I would be the mime that would would never shut up!

Grand Old F**K

I knew something was bothering me but I couldn't figure it out. And then I just started to sing... and the collective frustration streamed out of me. I'm sure I missed something...

This week's "Orny Inside the Insider"

Here is my latest segment for THE INSIDER -- that we are calling for now, "Orny Inside the Insider." It was a tough week-- four for four of my top stories got censored for one reason or another. This is all part of working for TV-- transforming myself for a new medium and playing with a new set of rules. I am enjoying it, but my ego would like a banner going across the screen that says, "Orny could be much funnier if he could say everything he wanted." And believe me, nothing I wanted to talk about is even that edgy-- NONE of it would be offensive to anybody born after 1812.

Me inside THE INSIDER

This is my latest piece for The Insider TV show...

My first fashion show for Entertainment Tonight

Entertainment Tonight sent me into one of the most uptight cultures -- the world of fashion-- and I couldn't take it seriously at all. Some girl named Lauren Conrad from the MTV reality show "The Hills" was showing her new line of clothing. So I interviewed her and her friends from the show. And tried to have some fun. The real champ was Lisa Rinna from "Dancing With The Stars" -- she rocks!

Tips for going missing and avoiding getting killed

As sometimes happens in my comedy, the funny is lost in a serious message I am compelled to get out. I believe wholeheartedly every word and premise I postulate in this piece... but topics of death and missing children are inflammatory to say the least. I am just the messenger. This has long frustrated me and I have never been able to make my thoughts work on stage... as is evident from the few clips including in this piece. You can hear the uneasy laughter. I dedicate this blog to all the missing or murdered people that do not get the proper media coverage they deserve.




Here is a link to Elizabeth Shoaf's story that aired on Dateline. (I still think she looks like a Nicole.)

Here is a link to the story about Mechele the stripper who got convicted of killing Kent the fisherman... perhaps for money. NO WAY! Really. Can't be true!

Wikipedia: Missing White Woman Syndrom

Chasing paparazzi chasing Britney-- my new Entertainment Tonight piece...

I almost died and got beat up on this one... so enjoy.

ET assignment: My ride along with paparazzi chasing Britney

Yesterday I spent all day chasing Britney Spears and other celebrities on assignment for Entertainment Tonight. It's not a glamorous job. I went in there thinking I could make a funny piece-- but these guys DO NOT JOKE around. And they let you know you are an outsider. I rode with Craig Williams from Hollywood.tv and he was very kind to me. It's a controversial job and their position is twofold: stars like Britney WANT to be shot (she does roll down her window at times to let them get a clear shot) and if the public didn't have such an insatiable appetite for this stuff-- they would be out of business. They shun the word paparazzi and euphemize their profession calling themselves "Content Providers". You pass your own judgment. I was just along for the ride.